Wednesday, June 2, 2010
This is where I'd run away to.............
Sometimes I just want to run away. It would be easy to find me though, all you'd have to do is head west. Don't get me wrong, I dearly love this place. After being here for 16 years, its a good bet that this is where I'll be hanging my hat for a good long time.
We were only going to be here for five years. That is the amount of time that we alloted to be in a new place. If we didn't like it we'd leave. For seven years, we lived in a small town, otherwise known as a village, population 318 or 324 depending on which direction you came in from! We are not town people. We felt suffocated. Wide open spaces are what I crave and..............mountains. I have the deepest love for mountains. I was headed to them and then got sidetracked by a cowboy, with a college degree!
Things got a lot better when we found and purchased the land that we are on. We'd driven by it for years and always thought it would be cool to "have a house right there". We didn't really imagine that it was possible, we were mearly thinking and dreaming outloud. Then it happened. What seemed like a divine stroke of good luck and timing the land came up for sale and we were able to buy it. A dream come true.
Its take a lot of work to get it to look like it does today. This ground was undeveloped, a trail road and a Toyota were the only means of getting to the location our house sits on today. There were no buildings, no fence and no roads. Everything that is seen today came from the ground up. It is a work in progress.
So it is ironic then that I would ever think of wanting to run away, isn't it? With so much hard work invested in this place, why would I want to leave? I think the answer is simply home=WORK! Running away for my symbolized retreat, time off/time away and taking a break from the daily responsibilities and chores. When you are on vacation you are not dealing with the drudgery that is ever before you the minute you wake up!
I've always loved traveling, seeing new places and meeting new people. Though this year I've felt a strong pull to stay closer to home. I am a bit tired of coming home after a long weekend and facing a mound of laundry that looks like its been worn by 1,000 people. In truth, there's only five of us but if that chores falls behind, even for a few days, it is a frightening job to catch back up on.
When I get overwhelmed, the first instinct I have is to want to leave, retreat and head out. I don't like conflict, I don't like constriction. I want to get to a place where I can breathe and relax. I want to go to the mountains. Last summer, we finally got to Yellowstone. I've waited, wished and hoped for this vacation for a long time and finally took a few days to go visit. Those visuals, vibrations and breath-taking scenes are still with me. I am so glad that I took 900 pictures, these are what I've been looking at lately when I find myself feeling tense and rigid. There's something magical about mountains and water. The real thing, of coarse, is so much better, but the pictures work. I love this scene of one of the grassy meadows in the park. I can see my log cabin nestled right in those trees................*sigh*
I don't have any real plans to go anywhere this summer. I am quite sure this is where I'll be. I am seeing now that my belief of home=WORK needs to shift. There's no reason why I can schedule a private, personal retreat right below the deck with a glass of tea, a good book and the hammock. I can do this..........I CAN do this.......I can DO this.........I tend to put of relaxation until my work is done, though it is clear that isn't going to happen. I am going to just have to find a place to stop and take a break. Again, I am sure this reads as a "no brainer" because anyone in their right mind would probably just say to h#$* with it all and just sit down. I'm getting there, I'm just a very slooooow learner!
I won’t go so far as to say I am caught up. I am not by any means, I am seeing how it may be possible to fit everything in that I still need to get done so long as I am not near the computer or phone. I have to stay on track so that I will have some time next week for a few “fun” projects that I’ve wanted to indulge in.
We are settling in to more of a routine; the chickens and goats chores are a challenge since we don’t have our permanent facility up yet. We are making do and still having fun, it just seems that there are more steps to take and certainly not a direct, easy flow to the cleaning, care and maintenence.
I am thankful the kids are helping me. They are good little workers. Pake helped milk and get the goats in the trailer during the rain last night. He was probably tired after the ball game but he didn’t show it.
Today’s plan includes excavating the sleeping quarters, bathroom and closet and finding the bottom of Pryce’s room (pray for me!) I also need to reorganize the downstairs and the craft room. I have cards to make and a bazillion scrapbook pages to catch up on. Its easy to tell when I started doing more outside work and less time in the house (think my children will notice the gaps in the time frame when I had over their scrapbooks down the road?) There are articles to write and photos to organize, a baby shower to plan and horses to train.
We have full rest of the week and weekend but I think it is do-able if I stick to my guns and stay focused. Though the last couple of days (and well, heck, the entire month of May) have been challenging, I have amazing love and support around me. I am surrounded by great people and for that I am deeply thankful. I think that it what is most important anyway is not how much we accomplish in a day, not how much we knock off the to-do list, it is really about being their for each other and supporting those around us on their path.
I am learning a great deal about myself, my weaknesses and strengths via the people, animals and experiences on this place. I hope to write about it soon. I stil want to run away; if the invitation to head west arises, I'll like jump in the vacant seat. I can be packed and ready in five minutes, but I'm afraid my goats, dogs and kids would have to come too, we are kind of a packaged deal now!
On second thought, I'll stay. I just remembered what the laundry pile looked like and how long it took us to move back in. I think I can get there though. I'll just look at this picture, close my eyes, relax and see those mountains in my mind..............