Monday, July 16, 2012

@ 40

This is a birthday that I've had some mixed feelings about though what I've come up with is that it is just a number....

When asked a couple of weeks ago what I wanted to do for my birthday, I looked at Chad and said..."nothing!" And I meant it! We've had a crazy, full, busy schedule and I didn't see a way that we were going to fit in a birthday celebration on top of it all. However, I have a GREAT friend who wasn't about to listen to any of that!!! Ann and her hubby Bob showed up at the boys' baseball game and completely SHOCKED me (YES! you two got me GOOD!) From the sounds of it, Chad and Ann had been compiling plans for several weeks and with our ever-shifting and extremely full schedule there was not great time so they MADE it happen anyway! We enjoyed ordered mouth-watering ribs, brisket, salad, delicious beverages and hilarious conversation on the deck. Later we took in a colorful campfire, more laughs and created some "original" campfire songs! (Pretty sure these will NEVER be released!) The stealthy, creative planning paid off~ It was a most delightful, memorable surprise party! I am blessed with wonderful friends and family. To me, this is the greatest gift anyone can ever receive.

I had sort of dreaded turning 40 but now that it's here, it feels like the "pressure" is off. I can honestly say am comfortable with this age (no matter what those cards say! And yes, my "ass" really is that old!) As I watched this gorgeous sunset on the eve of "39", I realized that I am not nearly as concerned with making others happy as I am with making choices in right alignment with my truth. That may sound selfish but a wise woman once told me, there's no way to argue with TRUTH. If you are doing what is right for you, everything else falls in line. Being responsible AND caring for yourself means that you'll make choices based on your heart, not your head.

I wouldn't want to go back to the insecurities and indecisiveness I sported throughout my 20's. My 30's were very special to me, for this is when I really took up the quest of self-discovery. I am more confident in my skin and less worried how I appear to those outside of it. I'd rather tone, build and strengthen my creative skills and talents than workout, but hopefully I'll get motivated there too! (I would LOVE to be a morning person and enjoy consistent, focused exercise but right now, neither of those appeal to me at all!) I love fiercely, move boldly and know that I really have no frickin' idea what's coming next! I've stopped wondering and started enjoying, no matter where I'm at, no matter who I'm with.

I'm at an age where I can see clearly where I've been and I can also look down the road and have a sense of where I want to go. I know who I am, what I'm about and I have a few clues as to why I'm here! All the searching I did during previous decades has formed a wonderful platform of insight, awareness and deep appreciation. Through it all I hold my family and friends as the most important treasures in my life. I feel that I have been wonderfully blessed in this department. Love is reflected back to my in a myriad of ways and the more I allow, the more I receive.

I have some plans, ideas and goals for this decade. I have set my intentions and am coming into what feels like a grace-filled presence of mid-life. I've come far enough to see the lessons and I have a fair idea of how to navigate so that some of those lessons are not repeated! I'm young enough to keep trying, keep learning, keep studying and growing and old enough to know what really matters.

This is a new path for me and I'll continue to report where this road goes. I'd love to have you accompany me on this journey, sharing friendship, insights and humor along the way. Happy New Decade!

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