Saturday, December 10, 2011

The Next Phase

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Hi Friends!

It’s been a while since I’ve posted and I wanted to provide an update for anyone who still reads the blog. As many of you know I’ve been in the midst of personal and professional transition. I knew a few things were coming down the wire, thanks to the Nine Star Ki philosophy that I follow. And while I have a good grasp on personal themes and energies of the month and year, it isn’t a substitute for actually going through and being in a full on experience…….of any kind!

The past five years have been amazing and I’ve LOVED every moment of being home, raising my children and expanding my personal path. It’s been a phrase of self-exploration, meaningful discoveries and investigations that weren’t possible had I not listened to my heart and followed what was coming through. It took for a me for quite a loop then when I realized that my path was once again shifting and not necessarily in a direction that I had seen coming. Nope, I sure didn’t plan on this one. After five years of being out of the education field, save for substitute teaching, I never planned on a return. The opportunity arose and after a lot of contemplation, I accepted. In August I became Maywood Public School’s librarian. This position required that I take additional classes to obtain a specialists degree. I started September as a college student with nine hours of classes, a full time job, a family and….an open mind. I had no idea how it would go only that it was sure to busy and probably stressful.

This return was significantly different from the previous 12 years of teaching. I realized as stepped back into this linear world with clocks, schedules and deadlines that I’d changed enormously. I’m not sure that I can describe these changes or that they would be relevant to reading. We all change and sometimes I don’t think we take the time to recognize and honor ourselves properly. No, most of the time, our focus is on all that stands before us: spouse, kids, home, laundry, dishes, breakfast, lunch, dinner, animal, homework, sports, tests, groceries…….who has time to contemplate when maybe our goal for the day is simply to get something on our plate to eat before we begin a second or third job for the night, before we crash wearily into the comfort of a bed we only spend 4 hours in?! That may sound extreme but that I’ve lived that scene once or twice in the past few months!

And there was no one to blame or be upset with. I had chosen this path or at least something deep inside me had felt it was the right way to go. I’ve loved books since I was a little girl. My favorite places to visit are libraries. I spent more time in my college library than I did in the bar, well, probably I did…..(no comment from Jamie, Danielle, Nancy or any of my other peeps who may be reading this!) The point is I LOVE libraries and not once in my life did I EVER consider going into this field. I have no idea why either, and let me tell you, I’ve been shaking my head and chuckling for the past few months at how I could have possible missed this field…HUGE OVERSIGHT!

I truly hesitated at the thought of giving up my personal freedom and the ability to create my own schedule. I love being at my home, hanging out with my animals and crafting a good life here at the Rafter Lazy H. I felt deeply nourished by the land, our place, my family and friends. I dove into expanding and honing my domestic skills. I learned to be a better gardener, can and preserve food, knit, sew (a little), cook from scratch, create new uses with old things, and writing. We brought in dairy goats and chickens, taking a few more steps toward self-sufficiency. I welcomed this “grounding” phrase after years of being on the go and traveling all the time.

Things don’t stay the same though, no matter how much we want them to. We all move on, we all change, grow and learn either with our conscious participation or resistance. We can embrace changes or we can deny them. We can give the power and responsibility away or we can co-create and align. I’ve always looked at life as an adventure. I never know what is coming my way and to me, that’s part of the fun. There are days that are not fun and days when I’m blessed out beyond recognition and yet I avoid labeling them. I feel the emotions, I allow them to come in and roll out. I take it all in.

Last Friday this current phase culminated in a personal goal that I didn’t even know I held. I’ve always loved learning and sharing. It’s part of my vibration and something that comes naturally to me. I had thought about getting a master’s degree and then when I left teaching I never gave it another thought; too much hassle, too much time, too much effort, too much money. In October I met with an amazing lady by the name of Dr. Rebecca Pasco. Ever hear of a golden key? She put in in my hand in this conversation! In this crystallizing moment I was reminded that our paths are not linear, they are meant to wind, weave, and take the “scenic route”.

I never looked for this job, this position, this career. It found me. I’ve only ever followed my heart in anything that I’ve ever done. If it feels right I do it, if it doesn’t I don’t. Gone are the days where I resist my own insight. Instead, even if it makes zero sense (to anyone including me) but it feels correct, I do it. I think my family and friends have seen this enough to know that it’s simply how I roll. So Dr. Pasco shared that not only could I get my specialists degree in library I would only be two classes away from a Master’s Degree, something clicked: this degree has been waiting a long time for me. I wasn’t going to spend money getting a degree in a field that I didn’t love. I wouldn’t have known that I love the library field had I not said “yes” to the opportunity that came to be a year ago at this time. I wouldn’t be in grad school if I hadn’t taken a chance and called Dr. Pasco. The amazing weave and web of this phase just feels magical to me! And all that was really needed was an open-mind and an open-heart. I’m thinking now we aren’t supposed to know how the dance will go, we’re just supposed to dance.

I wasn’t sure about the best way to offer an “update” and I’m a bit surprised at how much just “spilled out”. I’ve missed writing the blog and I’m happy to report that I’ll be posting much more often now that my classes are about wrapped up. I want to encourage you, wherever you are in your life, whatever you are facing or contemplating to say YES. Say YES to YOU. Go within, feel your truth. It is that simple, you can always wonder how things will turn out, but you don’t have to know. You can freely enjoy the path that you are walking on this day. You can let your heart lead the way and allow it to take you where it knows to go. I think we do ourselves a disservice when we work so hard to figure it all out because then we’re missing the joy of the present moment.

As we prepare to close the books on another year, I stand in awe and gratitude of all that I’ve been given. It’s really not the degree that I’m after, it’s the experience, the knowledge and the awareness of all that I am receiving, giving and learning along the way. Most of all, it is the opportunity to connect with others, to share, inspire and grow together. I think we have no idea how significant our impact and support is for others is. I was simply blown away with swelling gratitude, by the facebook responses I received when I posted that I’d made it into grad school. Those likes and comments were worth more than a million bucks to me!
So with all of my heart…thanks for reading. Thanks for your patience in between posts too. I’ll be happily sharing the new adventures, humor and story as they unfold. I hope you’ll keep “dancing” with me.

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