Why I don't hang out fancy lingerie.............if I had any!

If I’ve lured you to this blog with the title, let me just assure you that there is nothing X-rated here. This is a down-to-earth, real issue that comes with having only a cowgirl clothes line. In short, the reason I don’t hang out fancy lingerie (if I had any) is because they would get a blow job. That’s right, they’d be blown so far into the canyon that there would be little hope of recovery. Perhaps a lucky coyote or two would end up with a new chew toy?

One of the thrills of living on the Great Plains is feeling the wind blow up your skirt. Ms. Monroe would have loved it on my deck! Our screen door, recycling bins and various other objects have fallen victim to the dastardly winds that rage across this prairie. We now have a block NAILED to the deck as a door stopper. It works fairly well, though once each summer a gale force shoots the door over the block. Chad has to unscrew the block and put the door back in place. The block of wood has been the object of more than a few swear words when I forget it is there or when someone, new to the place, inadvertently tries to kick it out of the road.

Around 8 years ago, I had visions of having a beautifully landscaped yard. I went so far as to purchase a fountain, an auspicious symbol of feng shui. The cherub decorated piece sat in my front year for a bit, though the heavy calcium deposits and wind, made it look less than auspicious. It will be used this summer to decorate the garden landscape. The theme out there is “comfy-rustic” so it will fit right in with the shingle torn shed.


Since I am not a quitter, I also purchased a cute little garden flag and pole that greeted those who entered from our side door. Quaint as it was, it lasted two whole days. The wind came up blew the flag away, along with my dreams of every having anything “light” stick around. Yes, fancy lingerie was totally out of the question.

For now it is important to state that I’ve pined for a clothes line for years, though for some reason it just keeps getting put off. We always seem to find some other project that holds more weight. Being the resourceful type of cowgirl, I use what I have on hand. For me, this is the deck railing. This system has worked though, I have lost things along the way, such as jeans. The wind come up and blew a pair off the deck and into the backyard wilderness. Apparently I was too tired and/or busy to notice. We found the 2T jeans when the kid was in a 5T. He was quite shocked and wondered where the baby was that fell out of its pants. I told him he was the baby. The puzzled look on his face indicated I had deeply confused him.

The next year produced a rare find. Remember that flag that disappeared during my first “I’m going to make this place look cheery phase?” Chad waltzed in in one winter’s night with a brightly colored something, that had been wrapped up in a soap weed in the canyon. Upon further investigation he brought it home because he thought his wife could use it as a decoration. He didn’t remember that I was the one who bought it.

Though clothing/article loss is traumatic, I should also mention that some articles of do not disappear they just fall to the ground. If we lived on pavement, it would be fine but under the deck is dirt, and when it rains dirt becomes mud. Many times a wind has come up and blown jeans off the deck only to have them land in a puddle, which requires washing them all over again. That is, unless they are steer wrestling jeans. I just hang them back up on the rail, put a rock on top and walk away. When dry, I fold them and take them to the nearest horse trailer. Those pants have no idea what is it like to be stain free and clean.

At one time, sweet nostalgia reminds me that I did have a clothes line. I haven’t always been without one. Prior to setting up the homestead here on the Rafter Lazy H, I had a sturdy clothes line in my back yard in Maywood. I used to hang everything on the line. Oh yes, I was THAT kind of girl……….. In between rodeos I hung out a week’s worth of socks and underwear. I got brave and hung out a few umbrellas (my daughter’s words for bras!) Keep in mind this is a small mid-western town. A tiny town, in a fenced in yard where I thought I was safe to "hang it all out"!

In a quick decision to travel with my husband, who would not return home for a week or two from rodeos, I hopped in the truck and forgot all about my precious essentials on the line. I was focused on getting to Cheyenne.

In addition to the wind, do you know what else really blows? It’s when you forget all about what you’ve left hanging out and then it gets handed back to you……….by an elderly, smirking neighbor. My “unmentionables” were strewn all over the neighborhood in my absence. This kind (and apparently amused) man returned them. The result, I don’t hang out like I used to! Having someone besides my husband see my “umbrellas” was too much to bear. It shut me down. I’m much more……...private than I used to be, even in this present location.

I attempted to release this haunting image last summer. After all, the only neighbors we have are the cows, horses and coyotes. I hung out a pair of trouser socks. It was successful because they did not blow away; instead they were snagged and ripped from being caught on the splinters. I found them right where they stuck. Perhaps my “cowgirl clothes line” is the reason I have an alternate method of air drying my unmentionables?  I also don’t think I couldn’t face another old man holding my socks, underwear and "umbrellas" and handing them back to me! For the past 9 years the deck rail has been a good place for drying jeans and Kool-Aid stained table clothes.

I am secretly envious of gals that have clotheslines that stand up in the ground. I wouldn’t mind having one myself someday. It might be a real thrill. I suppose if any fancy lingerie dealers happen by this blog and want to test their goods to see if they are “cowgirl worthy” they could send some pieces my way. Yes, those delicate pieces look just fine on a size 2 model in a controlled environment but can they withstand the elements? How tough are those tiny pieces? I’d be willing to test them; I’ll hang them off my deck overnight. If they are snag free and still intact 24 hours later, if they haven’t disappeared into the great abyss of my backyard canyon and don’t show up in a coyotes mouth, I’ll add a product button on my blog. I won’t wear fancy lingerie mind you, but I could at least say that I have hung some out to dry.