Pausing.........

 

 

I am sitting here getting ready to do what I do each month, compile ki energy reports. Every month, day and year has an energetic theme. So does each person. When we know our personal traits we can look at the theme of the month and the year and gain a broader understand and perspective of what is “up” (or “down”) in our lives. I’ve done these readings for several years now and each month is something different. I like that about our world, each day offers us something new. Sometimes we know what it will be and sometimes we do not.

Take for instance last weekend. I thought I was in for a fun, fun time. I love going to Husker football games, taking in a weekend of shopping, great dining and city culture. It’s a rare treat and good for my pocket book that I live four hours away.

But the Universe has a way of altering our plans, plans that we may not have realized were even important to us. In the blink of an eye our perspective changes and we see the path clearly laid out before us. We had news at 9 am that our granddad was not doing well. His blood pressure dropped and the doctors were delivering a grim report. We headed back for home, not knowing if we would get the chance to say “good bye” or not.

Again, I am reminded that we are so not in control. There is a greater force than we can see that is continually guided the ebb and flow of our days. Though Kenneth wasn’t expected to make it through the night last Saturday~he is now recovering out of ICU in a private room. Go Grandad! I love those unexpected twists, the ones that leave the jaw dropping open and our hearts filled with joy. Surprises we didn’t know about.

This week seems mild and calm in contrast to the weekend. I am not complaining. I know that my days will not always be this way. That is not how life seems to work. The peace is always there though, just under the surface a bit more sometimes. I have a busy week next week. I present a new class on self-care, violin lessons, and a date with one of my best girls and a weekend trip to visit my family up north. I hope these all come through without a snag though again, one can just never tell where the twists and turns will lead us. I guess that is why it is called a journey, not a destination. I am no longer on a mission. I do have a path and purpose, but I am much more relaxed about living it. I think my purpose is ready to be lived through me, not the other way around. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering where I fit in, how I can help, contribute and what differences I can make in my life and the lives of those around me. I realize that a lot of this wondering has kept me from simply experiencing and now I know that this is what I came for. The experience of it all, good and bad!

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to fast forward the bad to get to the good. I don’t do that anymore. I’ve learned to open my heart, to feel the pain, even when my mind doesn’t want to. I am learning to breathe through what I don’t like and to allow and acknowledge what’s here. There are things about myself that I do not like things I wish I could change yet it wouldn’t be me and I am learning to honor the entire package. I didn’t ask to be wired this way, but somehow that is what I got, that is what I came in with. I am now willing to see it and embrace it, even if it means that I am not who I thought I was, which is always a little shocking to the ego.
Today is a rare day. It is crisp, cool and amazingly beautiful. There is a slight breeze teasing the changing colored leaves in the canyon. The grasses have received their cue from the chilly nights and are joining the chorus in burnt sienna flare. The fields are ripening. I am pausing today to breathe it all in. It won’t last, this I know. So I am taking time to enjoy what is here now.

The Econo-Version Violin

 


I've always loved violin music, especially, old-time fiddle music. I've always wanted to learn to play one. I took clarinet lessons from jr. high to high school, though I never found an opportunity to learn to play violin. It is one of those things that has stuck in the back of my mind, one of those "going to do that someday" things. Also on the list was running a 1/2 marathon, spending a month in Ireland and learning how to knit. So far, I've ran a 1/2 marathon and just found someone who is going to teach me to knit! Anyone interested in visiting the Emerald Isle?

In May, I got a the wild hair (one of many!)On impulse, I ordered a cheap violin off of ebay. I wasn't going to invest a whole lotta bucks in something that I may or may not be good at playing. I didn't know the first thing about it and even with an instrument and YouTube videos, I couldn't figure it out. I put in for a teacher and by August, the call was answered.

I've learned a lot since then. I've figured out the notes on the strings and for the most part, I can figure out where my fingers are supposed to go, though it doesn't always sound like I know it should. I learned that the only difference between a violin and fiddle is the style of music that is played on the instrument. I have also learned that my fingers and brain do not work nearly as fast as they need to!

I have a patient teacher that has taught me a great deal. Last night I had put my instrument away and he wanted me to try a few of the high notes so he handed me his. MISTAKE. BIG MISTAKE! Wow. I hadn't realized that I had been playing the cheapest violin in the universe! You get what you pay for folks. I don't know how much be paid for his instrument but I could tell an immediate difference between his and mine; his stays in tune, mine doesn't. His bow and violin much heavier than mine, sliding across the strings with ease. And the sound............crystal clear.

I guess when you are driving a Dodge Neon, you are happy to have four wheels and to get where you are going. You may not even realize that you don't have all the bells and whistles because they are not in front of you. Maybe there is a an am/fm radio with a working left speaker, so you are happy to have a few tunes that you know to sing along with since the air conditioner doesn't work.

And when you get in a Mercedes-Benz, you realize what you've been missing. Instead of one sun-roof there are two. Leather seats hug you where the old cardboard and cloth used to be. Music from the surround sound speakers float around you. Dual temperature control makes sure that you are comfortable as you glide down the road.

This is the difference between a cheap violin and one of quality. Yes, it gets me by and yes it has been a good one to learn on and now that I've test driven the luxury model, I know what I want (and what I am missing!)

It is not a huge priority to get a new violin. I am fine for now, with the one that I have, but I am looking now and that is more than I was doing before. Ode to Joy and Amazing Grace sound totally different when I play on a quality violin. This gives me hope that maybe I will be able to play more fluidly someday. I have hopes of playing by ear, though I realize that this is not my forte'. I do better with notes and lots of practice. Playing the violin does not come naturally to me, the pinkie finger is super challenging. I will stick with it though. It has provided a great 10 minute escape from my daily routine. I won't be playing "Devil Went Down to Georgia" or "Orange Blossom Special" anytime soon but I can now saw out something that resembles a song, with far fewer squeaks.

I don't know where I will end up, I guess I don't have to know. This is definitely a journey and one that I have to "tune into" daily to see where I am at. I can see why fiddle players have the reputation for "fiddling their time away", it is easy to do. It is almost addicting, because one good song, played right, will draw you back again and again. (sorta like the one good drive in my golf game!)

So if any of you reading this happens to know a wonderful, quality, old fiddle that would like to be dusted off and brought back into the land of the living, give me a shout! Until then, I encourage you to find something that you've never done but have always wanted to try. You may get the best laugh you've had at yourself in a long time. It'll be worth it too. We are here to live, to experince and to continually expand our comfort zones. Have fun pushing your own limit!!!!!

Pre-Halloween Dress Rehearsal

 

 

 

Do you suppose they will still think this is “cool” when they are teenagers? Last night, after retiring from the basement overhaul, a little black Ninja jumped out and nearly scared the pants off of me! I let out a huge giggle when I saw that Parker had dressed his little sis up in his old Ninja costume and he had put on Pake’s. And since Pake didn’t have anything that fit, he donned his fire fighter hat and my old glasses. I couldn’t resist but snap a few shots. Pryce looked absolutely hilarious, such a petite Ninja, with the exception of her voice/attitude, which more than make up for what is lacking in physical stature!

Not sure if these costumes will "stick" by the actual pumpkin date. Would be nice if that happened but usually there is a great shuffling about and mind changing when it comes right down to the day. Cowboys and pirates have been right there at the top of the list, although Parker made the BEST waiter I've ever seen last year (thanks to Aunt Patty's bow tie!) For those readers who aren't on facebook, I will post the winning costume choices in a picasa album if you are interested!

Oh well. It can wait. My brain is a bit fried right now. I subbed in 2nd grade today. I do love stepping back into the elementary building every now and then. The kids are great and it is especially fun to be in class with Parker. I don't miss it enough to want to go back, I realize I am pretty out of shape~I am ready for a nap. I'd really like to light the fireplace! I am cold tonight. Not sure if I am actually coming down with something or if it is just the signal I am getting from the seasonal change~I do love to burrow down and get cozy, maybe tonight I will bust open another can of tomato soup............trying to hold off til later in the year but it is soooo good, my "red" gold! Happy Snuggling!

Progress

 

 

 

Before & After:

I must say, this is the most productive day that I've had on record, save the canning kitchen! The store room has been a little burr in my side for sometime now. I could barely stand to walk in to get hamburger out of the freezer. I would cringe each time I saw the scattered array of tools, wires, paint, fixtures and just about any other thing you could name in the ways of home improvement.

In feng shui there are two types of chaos, active and passive. Active is that which is created in the art of creation, the passion of creating something new, fun and fabulous. Passive is when it is left over a period of time and gathers dust. The later is what pulls down the chi or "good energy" in your space. Well you can imagine that we had very little chi left in the storage room, verrrrry little!

And when there is little chi there is often little motivation to clean, clear, organize and............reclaim. So it took lot of energy to face the dreaded, dusty shelves of the storage room. I am happy to report that we conquered it today. Chad is often not here to help and today, being the rare day in the universe that he was nearby and willing to help clean up the crap was a blessing that I had not expected to receive this year, at least not until the snow started flying. Happy Day!

As he got his tools organized and sorted through the array of left over items from the finishing the basement project, I rolled with it, sweeping through each boy's room, (and finding things that makes a mother gasp, nothing R rated, just a lot of clothes and toys stuffed away!) We reorganized the toy room, and picked up the rest of the basement, with the exception of more tools and future shelves and wood scraps piled along the south wall.

I know my limits. I am not one to complain. I can again see the floor and the couch and the basement is once again worthy of sneaking into to read a favorite book!

I am glad for today. I've been putting this off and dreading it for longer than I care to admmit. The big battles still lay ahead. Unloading the giant blue box car resting in front of my picture window and cleaning up the lawn/garden before winter comes. I think I have time and now I have a bit more motivation to sing me through.

Time to roll up the sleeves and push on. It's not too late to win the bet for how long the blue storage unti will sit in front of the basement. It is still under a year...........barely!

Bo, The Patrol Dog

 
 


No snakes on the road today! Went for a walk to help relieve the tension in my head (and home) after the bitter Husker loss to V-Tech, 16-15. Yuck. I think I will go make bbq chicken pizza, you know.....comfort food and then do a little reading. Just started the book Crazy Horse, The Strange Man of the Oglalas by Mari Sandoz. Wow. She writes with such laser sharp precision. It is easy to be transported back in time, as if one is watching the events unfold from a front row seat on the prarie. I never have enough time to read, tonight I shall make time!

Tomorrow holds the promise of getting things done. Wish me luck. I will be in the "pit" of a storage room. It is time to tackle that which I have been putting off for months now. The blue box car has been sitting in front of the basement for almost a year now. It is time to unload. This is going to be a daunting task, I can't even tell you how much I have been dreading it. I keep hoping that help will arrive but it appears that the "cleaning calvary" is just not going to show. Rolling up the sleeves and diving in tomorrow. If you don't see a post after a week or two, it may be a good idea to comed and check on me, I could be consumed by the junk monsters that have been residing in my basement for 8+ years.

I am focused on the end results though. I have a craft room that I am just itching to use and ideas galore coming in. I can't wait to get started. I picked up and album and paper today to start working on scrapbooking gifts for family. I also want to see if I can figure out how to use Grandma's sewing machine.

I will soon post pictures of the scary store room. I now have two shelves filled to the brim with my canned goods. Over 100 jars of pickels, beans, salsa, soup, pasta sauce, pizza sauce and jam. With corn frozen and beef in the fridge, I am sort of looking forward to winter. sort of. Not that it has to be in a hurry to get here!

On Down The Road

 


This is the road that leads from the highway to my front door. In 8 years of living on this place, it has become a salvation of sorts. I walk this road to clear my head, to sort out my life, to find direction, meaning and logic.
Sometimes I walk alone, sometimes the boys ride their bikes in front of me. Often I push a stroller with a trail of up 3 short dogs walking behind. We have four in all. Bo doesn't follow. She patrols. When I walk on down the road, Bo, our snake-alterting, black-mouthed Curr is always along. She's saved our bacon more than once with her "snake" bark, a specific sound she makes only when one is around. She's herded the kids and I away from the rattler in the grass where I would have walked right past it. I DON'T go without her, especially this time of year.

This road is the safest place to walk because it is cleared out, unlike hiking in the canyon. A few weeks back, our friend, Joe, killed two while he was hunting. Last year, there was one stretched out right in front of the house. I thought Chad had run over it when it came home from work, closer inspection (and a near heart-attack later) revealed he had not. It hadn't been there when he'd come home 15 minutes before!

Yes, this is snake country. We've had them in the barn, curled up right by the step (waaaaaay too close for me!) and several on the road. I am much better around them now than I used to be. There is a process called a phobia cure that I worked with in Journey training. We did these for "practice" and while I didn't think it would really work, I know now that they are 70% clinically effective the first time! Each time you do a process the percentage increases. How do I know? Last year when my fun friends put a snake skin in my purse after golf league and I reached in to get my keys, all I did was scream.........I didn't pass out! When I saw the rattler on the road last year, I calmly and casually walked up just a few inches away, I didn't know it was a rattler until I saw the tail sticking up. Even then I didn't freak out (partly because I thought it was already dead!) I can tell I might need an update, when Joe showed Pryce and I the ones he got, I felt a little shiver go up my spine. I don't love snakes and they only surprise me when I don't expect them to be where they already are. I do respect them, I respect anything with fangs! They are moving this time of year, yet another sign that it is fall.

Old Things Are Cool

 

 

I LOVE old things. Always have. I would much rather have retro decorations rathern than something brand new. I find that old items have such character, something that their plastic, "made in china" counterparts do not possess. I have come to acquire some wonderful pieces, such as the round dining room table that Chad's grandmother gifted us. My "heirlooms" are not worth much in terms of antique road show value but they mean a lot to me.



The dresser in Pryce's room was purchased at a farm sale when I was in grade school. I remember Mom and I stripping off the white paint, sanding and varnishing it.



I have the ancient book shelf in my corner that was in the little Shadley Creek school house I went to when I was in Kindergarten.

I have collected throughout the years and find that these treasures are
the ones that I love the most. Last year we began the project of major renovation upstairs and finishing the downstairs. When I took the time to really evaluate my possessions and select the ones that were really "me", I found that I had a hard time parting with the authentic, rustic and "used". That said, my 1960 washer and dryer died and I did splurge on a beautiful tuscan brown front load set (that I LOVE~40 pairs of jeans in two days!)Though when it comes to decor, I like it simple and authentic.

More of my friends and family are recognizing this. It tickled me pink when Chad went to fetch pint and quart jars from his granmothers cellar this spring and found the Pepsi box. Isn't it the coolest?! I don't know what I will use it for yet. I will clean it up a bit and as I do I will let it tell me. Things talk if we are willing to listen. I think this is part of the fun of cre8tive living, finding new use for old stuff. Now if I could only muster up the same enthusiasm to dive into that big blue storage unit under my deck.................