Pausing.........

 

 

I am sitting here getting ready to do what I do each month, compile ki energy reports. Every month, day and year has an energetic theme. So does each person. When we know our personal traits we can look at the theme of the month and the year and gain a broader understand and perspective of what is “up” (or “down”) in our lives. I’ve done these readings for several years now and each month is something different. I like that about our world, each day offers us something new. Sometimes we know what it will be and sometimes we do not.

Take for instance last weekend. I thought I was in for a fun, fun time. I love going to Husker football games, taking in a weekend of shopping, great dining and city culture. It’s a rare treat and good for my pocket book that I live four hours away.

But the Universe has a way of altering our plans, plans that we may not have realized were even important to us. In the blink of an eye our perspective changes and we see the path clearly laid out before us. We had news at 9 am that our granddad was not doing well. His blood pressure dropped and the doctors were delivering a grim report. We headed back for home, not knowing if we would get the chance to say “good bye” or not.

Again, I am reminded that we are so not in control. There is a greater force than we can see that is continually guided the ebb and flow of our days. Though Kenneth wasn’t expected to make it through the night last Saturday~he is now recovering out of ICU in a private room. Go Grandad! I love those unexpected twists, the ones that leave the jaw dropping open and our hearts filled with joy. Surprises we didn’t know about.

This week seems mild and calm in contrast to the weekend. I am not complaining. I know that my days will not always be this way. That is not how life seems to work. The peace is always there though, just under the surface a bit more sometimes. I have a busy week next week. I present a new class on self-care, violin lessons, and a date with one of my best girls and a weekend trip to visit my family up north. I hope these all come through without a snag though again, one can just never tell where the twists and turns will lead us. I guess that is why it is called a journey, not a destination. I am no longer on a mission. I do have a path and purpose, but I am much more relaxed about living it. I think my purpose is ready to be lived through me, not the other way around. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering where I fit in, how I can help, contribute and what differences I can make in my life and the lives of those around me. I realize that a lot of this wondering has kept me from simply experiencing and now I know that this is what I came for. The experience of it all, good and bad!

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to fast forward the bad to get to the good. I don’t do that anymore. I’ve learned to open my heart, to feel the pain, even when my mind doesn’t want to. I am learning to breathe through what I don’t like and to allow and acknowledge what’s here. There are things about myself that I do not like things I wish I could change yet it wouldn’t be me and I am learning to honor the entire package. I didn’t ask to be wired this way, but somehow that is what I got, that is what I came in with. I am now willing to see it and embrace it, even if it means that I am not who I thought I was, which is always a little shocking to the ego.
Today is a rare day. It is crisp, cool and amazingly beautiful. There is a slight breeze teasing the changing colored leaves in the canyon. The grasses have received their cue from the chilly nights and are joining the chorus in burnt sienna flare. The fields are ripening. I am pausing today to breathe it all in. It won’t last, this I know. So I am taking time to enjoy what is here now.