Nesting

I'm happy to report progress is being made on the coop. Chad is quite the builder. He's done this all by himself, in what little spare time he's had. There is tin up on the backside, it is starring to look pretty amazing!

Progress is halted on the project though. Work/career takes priority; that's just part of having an off-ranch income. We work around work schedules!

We took this afternoon at a much slower pace. Blue Sparkle crashed for two hours. I may or may not have dozed off while holding her. I pride myself for having an amazing talent of appearing to be watching a moive, through my eye-lids, and answer (sort of!) questions directed at me. Please don't ask what they were, I do not remember!

I've decided we need days like this more often. I barely did dishes, folded only one load of laundry and I never touched a broom all day......true story. My accomplishment was getting dressed, this was a pajama day if there ever was one.

I have no idea what this week will bring. To say I'm "gun shy" is an understatement. Chad picked up replacement tomatoes so that is one project on the list. I wanted to steam clean my carpets but the machine is broken down. I am a floor person. Seeing stains on the floor is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.

For right now, I'm not going to worry about it. The kids are waiting on me for a movie. I think I can make it through but the pj's are on......just in case.

Spinach Tasties

Do you remember how, as a young child, how certain foods made you cringe? Spinach and squash did this to me. The first time I ever heard about Spinach was from the Popeye cartoons. I watched in disgust as he’d guzzle spinach from a can (barf). I had no intentions of EVER trying this food. It ranked about as low as squash, the most disgusting vegetable ever grown. My distaste was further anchored when my mom made me sit at the table until my squash was gone. I don’t remember how long I sat there but I do remember missing “It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown”. I also remember telling her that the reason all the Pilgrims died is because they had to eat squash. I was not a fan.


I’m not sure where the change occurred, maybe it was when I really started learning to cook, without a box and directions? Or perhaps it was during perhaps during the brief stint of juicing and eating raw foods? Spinach with an apple became one of my favorite energy boosting drinks. I also started eating it with salad, quesadillas, and calzones. Ironically, it has become one of my favorite greens. Who knew? I can’t say the same love has developed for squash or “squish” as I call it. I will eat it, for the sake of my children, who do love it. They prefer it heaped with butter and brown sugar; and I confess that this is how I first had to start swallowing it down. My tastes have refined though, I can now get by with olive oil, herbs and sea salt. It’s not bad. It’s not my favorite, but I will eat it and that means I’ve come a long way.

I wasn’t sure that I would be able to get spinach to grow. I planted it the same time as I did the onions. It was an experiment to say the least. The seeds are so dang tiny! I just scattered them about, said a little prayer and let Mother Earth do the rest. Well…………she did. It's grown beautifully and my only regret is that I didn’t plant MORE.

This week we feasted on a delicious spinach strawberry salad (recipe following) tasty spinach omelets, and chicken spinach salad. I love picking it and eating it fresh, I had no idea that I would love a vegetable this much and then again, I had no idea that I would have the week I’ve had. Surprises everywhere!

Here’s a delightful way to use berries and spinach, both in season right now:

Spinach and Strawberry Salad

Pick your spinach from garden, wash, tear and plop it in your favorite bowl or buy a good bunch of it from your favorite Farmer’s Market!

Pick strawberries, wash and slice or buy it from your favorite berry vendor

Toss it in a bowl with a handful of your favorite nuts, I use walnuts. Sunflower and pumpkin seeds would be great too. Then, drizzle dressing all over your creation.. I make this in my magic bullet and keep it for several more servings. A little goes a long way, this lasted a week

½ c. sugar ¼ Worcestershire sauce

2T. sesame seeds ¼ t. paprika

1T. poppy seeds ½ c. olive oil

1 ½ t.onion, minced ¼ c. vinegar

I sliced a grilled grilled chicken breast and tossed it over the spinach. Sprinkle dried licorice basil and feta cheese over the top. I added just a drizzle or two of dressing. (I went back for seconds………….and thirds!) There’s a picture of this on the June 10th post, Growing On

Enjoy!

Meet the 4 Amigos

Hail to the Survivors

Here is a picture of Feathers and Camo. It looks like they are getting along pretty well. I am glad they have each other. I am also glad, by the Geace of God, they were able to stay. Life, death is out of our hands. I'm grateful for this blessing.

New Babies

Chad surprised me with a delivery of four baby pearl guineas. He looked for chicks but they were out. Not a surprise really, didn't expect we'd be able to find the kind we had close by.

Pake was pretty reluctant to "get attached" but the other too fell right back in love; kids bounce back. I can't say I'm excited to start from the bottom, three-day-old level again but looks like I will. It night be easier with only four instead of 30. Like Pake, I feel a bit reluctant. I'm still very sad yet I know that its time to go forward. Its hard not to with Park and Blue Sparkle around.

They are pestering me to get the tank set up. So out to the barn I go. It is darn sure not going to be quiet, these birds are "squawk boxes". I'm very glad they are NOT in the house!

Growing On

I've just sat down for a simple, fast lunch. In light of the challenges this week, I'm reminded that always, always there is hope. Life continues, wounds heal and growth happens, even if you are a dandelion pushing up between a crack in the sidewalk.

I want to thank everyone for the kind, supportive and sincere comments left on this blog and my facebook page as well as the phone calls, texts, emails and hugs, which I really needed! Your support has help me process what initially felt like total devastation. I feel blessed beyond belief to have such wonderful friends. THANK YOU!

Times like this seem to make me doubt myself and second guess my path and purpose. I am not going anywhere but I am taking the rest of this week to really take a long, hard look at what I am creating. Some things are out of my hands, which is difficult to acknowledge for a girl who wears a purple shirt with an S on the chest! ( Some of you have seen my "Super Girl" shirt, so you know what I'm talking about!)

I've done some inner work, alignment and journey sessions to help process the shock. I feel better today. It is my personal belief that building and destruction are both necessary elements in the art of creation. New awarenesses arise when old beliefs, thoughts and paradigms are broken down and released. Sometimes it takes a sudden, shocking shift for this to occur. Since I'm right in the vortex of this storm, its hard to see out but I trust that a higher path is emerging.

I could ponder the "why's, the what if's" and continue to analyze the event from every angle and that will not bring my birds back. Self-guilt only works for so long because the vow I've made with my truth has already broken though that ego-illusion. So here I sit working with what is. I'll pick myself up, dust off and move forward. I'm not in the mood to dance or even skip, the most I can do it put one foot in front of the other and try NOT TO THINK! I feel deeply, no matter if it is over the loss of my chickens, goats eating my plants, kids fighting or a dirty look! I am an emotional being and I choose to see this as a blessing rather than a curse.

Good things are already coming through, the dark clouds are breaking up. Today's primary lunch ingredient came from my garden---spinach. I didn't expect it to grow, so this was a tasty surprise! I had spinach post for later with a couple of delicious recipes to share.

I also found my berry bushes have a few fruits on them, which I didn't expext to have for another year. The garden is coming along nicely.

And the best news yet......I got a surprise phone call from my folks asking if we were going to be home. It rained like crazy up north, so they are headed our way this afternoon! Ahhhh, things ARE looking up! I have three excited children that are now bouncing off the walls in abundant anticipation of the arrival of our guests.

This has been a rough patch. I can see my garden thrives when s@#* is thrown on it, so perhaps I can follow suit. I've had plenty of fertilizer this week. Now, its time to cultivate the ground and see what is ready to be planted next? Time to "grow on". Thank you, with all my heart, for helping me find the rainbow, it appears that it is right here in my yard.

A Quiet Barn

I put off this post for a couple of days because I'm still in shock and grieving.

Every day for the last two months I've walked into the barn to the chorus of peeps and quacks. I've carried water, cleaned the pen, fed and cared for the 28 birds at least twice a day every day, and I enjoyed every minute.

I am heartbroken and devastated to report that our dog somehow jumped into the center of the tank and broke through the protective screen. It was a massacre. I wish I wouldn't have got out to look because the tragic image is now burned in my mind.

I know this is part of nature. I knew that it was dangerous to have birds so close to the dogs and cats. I trusted the screen would hold them in and keep other critters out. I even expected I'd loose a few but never did I imagine that I'd have to say goodbye to all but two. Apparently one duck made it and one chick, the kids call "Camo", are still with us.

While I have ill feelings toward Bo right now, I can't hate her; she's saved us from rattlesnake bites on two occasions that we know of and perhaps more that we don't. She watches the kids and does her job of keeping the place secure from coyotes and other unwanted critters. Its hard to love an animal so much only to have her also be the one that promptly ended a long-time goal that was so, so close to being realized.

They were cool birds. I was looking forward to watching them grow and collecting fun, colored eggs. Their new home will be done this weekend. All that work, effort, time and money is down the drain and there's not one thing I have to show for it except a severely bruised heart.

I don't regret bringing them home. They were a joy to watch, listen to and care for. I've always told my children its the experience, not the outcome that is important. This one is tough to take.

I haven't had the heart to go visit the survivors. I can barely walk by the tank, and whenever I think about it, tears well up in my eyes.

I know I need to "get back in the saddle" and find more chicks. I know this but I feel beaten down and utterly defeated.

This has been a rough week. I backed into a panel trailer and dinged the bumper, the goats got six of my bed tomato plants and I sliced my ankle with rusty barb wire. Its easy to focus on all that's gone wrong lately. Its one of those weeks I have to wonder what I am doing and why. Gut check time. I honestly didn't want to write this post but if it somehow helps someone who's gone through or is going through a rough patch, well, then its worth it. Life ain't all roses......sometimes it really crappy.

In all the pain, sadness and defeated feelings I know that I will heal. I haven't shared with many people, I tend to clam up, shut down and isolate. Its an old pattern than I am releasing. Writing this blog helps a lot. Those I have told, have been sincerely supportive and reinforces my belief in the power of love and the human heart. Their kinds words, hugs and encouragement gives me hope when I'm really tempted to throw in the towel and walk away.

This wound is deep and it stings. The quiet barn is so quiet. I expect to heal; right now I'm just giving myself permission to feel all that's here, free of judgment. I invite your thoughts and prayers to be with my family. I've written from my perspective but really we were all invested in this project.

It may seem silly to cry over chickens, but anyone who's cared for an animal(s) knows what it means to carry the responsibility of their life and well being on your shoulders. When things go right, there's no greater feeling and when things don't, you feel the depths of a sadness that you may not want. No one does.